February 19, 2013: Registration Fuckery

I'm sure it was just a simple, normal Tuesday for most hard-working Americans (both of which I'm not): filled with morning coffees, road rage on the daily commute, and tweets about everything in between.  Y'know, the usual mundanity and tedium. However, this was not a "normal" Tuesday for me by any means.

I spent the majority of my day clashing in a battle with INTERNET, that machete wielding bastard that Al Gore created (50 sec).

The official registration time began at 1 PM EST, and within 90 seconds, the whole fucking site was down. Like, you're the website controlling the Chicago MARATHON. Open to anyone and everyone. Accepting only the first 45,000 applicants. Are you really surprised by the deluge of prospective runners, all psyched to finally have a legitimate excuse to shirk their quotidian database-analyzing tasks at work?

Yeah...I'm going to need you to get back to calculating the damping of that high-structure beam....oh, you're signing up for the Chicago marathon? Sure, take your time!

It was such an epic failure that many unimportant newspaper websites decided to report on what they referred to as a "technical glitch."   "Pathetic, Easily-Preventable Technological Catastrophe Reflects Poorly on Modern Day Society"  would be more of an apropos headline. Or at least use the term "travesty." Because that's what it was.

If we can get the late Tupac Shakur to perform 15 years after his death at Coachella via a bone-chillingly realistic hologram, can't Active.com figure out how to collect a bunch of sets of numbers and letters in an organized way, without the entire site pitifully crashing into a calamity far worse than what we witnessed with the Ural Mountains meteor? 

Anyway, after several at least 800 futile attempts to register, I began to realize I didn't even want to run  the fucking thing. But I WOULD NOT be made a mockery of, especially by a shoddily developed website resembling shit I could have easily made in my 2003 "Basics-of-HTML" high school course. 

Well, you're probably wondering:

Did you sign up? 

Are you running?

 Is all hope lost?  

Should I subscribe to a more boring marathon blog written a girl running for homelessness or animal cruelty?

Read it and weep, bitches.

See ya in Chicago, mofos.