March 29, 2013: On my rest days, I am... FAST

You thought you had a shitty day?

8:40am: After deciding to take the morning off from running, I woke up quite comfortably at quarter past eight. So I'm driving to work, texting on my new Nexus Smart phone, and blasting Eurotrash House music on the new Evolution radio station 101.7, which replaced the famed and beloved WFNX...And within the last hundred feet before work (literally, I  can see the Eiffel Tower in the cliche B&W Parisian poster I hung in my cubicle) a cop crosses on the opposite side of the road. He activates his sirens and pulls a U-turn as if it is a 1990s Keanu Reeves action movie.

Whaaaat? First of all, I drive a Mazda, not a  white Ford Bronco ...

Anyways, when I rolled down the window and met his face, I knew I was done. He looked something like this guy, but older, wrinklier:

"Bouche en cul de poule"

OK -- so the usual BS: license, registration, condescending look of disapproval when he realizes I'm not American. And BOOM. Citation... Allegedly, I was speeding at a scientifically impossible (given various circumstances and engineering factors) "53mph" instead of 35mph. Can't believe that, especially as I'm an M.I.T. mathematical wizard (the diploma can be found next to the Paris print) and I can easily mentally assess complex calculations for anything and everything in the physical world. Like, I knew S= D/T before I could even properly use a toilet.

Officer, I can kill you with my brain.

Needless to say, I will dickheadly be contesting this ticket in court, and I've yet to decide whether I will channel my inner "Good" Will Hunting to ensure justice is rightfully served. You see, I'm just a regular Joe Schmo trying to maintain some sense of morality in this nefarious and depraved world. And that's why this corrupt ticket won't be paid without robust resistance from this dickhead.

Fuck you, Taxachusetts. Did I mention, officer, I'm running a marathon?

Lesson to be learned here: Don't skip a morning workout.  Built up kinesthetic energy + shitty techno music = throwing my car into fifth gear on a regular road in front of a cop. Better to speed on the treadmill...

Ahem, but (cough), we're getting off topic, because remember, I'm not at fault here...

I wasn't speeding...

I didn't do it... kinda like...

 If OJ can away with murder and write this book, then there must be a chance the American Judicial system can get me out of a $100 ticket. Like Mr. Simpson,  I just need some sound evidence and mathematical proofs...